good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
