Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
