it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
