I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
