No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
