hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
