im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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