yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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