Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
