i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
