i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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