I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
