I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
