I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
