he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
