check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
