ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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