I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
