im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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