I didn't shave. On purpose
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
