At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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