is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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