you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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