i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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