I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
