Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
