By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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