Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
