grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
