Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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