there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
