He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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