you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
