btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
