In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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