So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
