i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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