you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
