Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
