Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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