I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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