Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
