We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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