does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
