so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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