I'm jealous of your bromance
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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