there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
