Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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