dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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