oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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