gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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