ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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