we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
