I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
