I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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